God, Creator of us all,
we come to you as individuals and as a family.
Be with us as we wait, fear, grieve, and rejoice.
Show us your love especially during these times.
Strengthen our love for one another.
Let our love for each other point the way to your infinite, unconditional love and forgiveness.
The HEALTHY FAMILY….
AFFIRMS and SUPPORTS ONE ANOTHER
SHOWS APPRECIATION (for each other) CLEARLY and REGULARLY
SHARES AFFECTION
HAS GOOD COMMUNICATION PATTERNS
IS COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER in GOOD TIMES and in TOUGH TIMES
HAS A SENSE of SHARED RESPONSIBILITY
SHARES FAITH TOGETHER
VALUES SERVICE to OTHERS
SPENDS TIME TOGETHER
FINDS A GOOD BALANCE of TIME TOGETHER and TIME ALONE
SHARES FUN
HAS ACTIVE RITUALS & MEANINGFUL TRADITIONS
HAS RITUALS for SPECIAL CELEBRATIONS*
(Adapted and used with permission, Diocesan Family Life Ministers of the State of Wisconsin.)
WE AFFIRM and SUPPORT EACH OTHER in at least four different ways: Words, Affection, Gifts, Stand By Me.
Let each family member make a chart and these questions about how they would like to receive affirmation and support in each one of the categories listed. Then, guess how the other members of your family would like affirmation and support in each category. Exchange answers and see if people guessed each other’s needs regarding support and affirmation.
Words: What words do you most like to hear that tell you that you are loved and supported by your family?
Affection: What sorts of hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection do you like that show you are loved and supported by your family?
Gifts: What kinds of gifts show you that you are loved and supported by your family?
Stand by me: When do you most need someone in your family to be there for you; listen to you?
SHOWS APPRECIATION (for each other) CLEARLY and REGULARLY.
AN APPRECIATION BASKET: Fill a basket full of notes of appreciation. These might include scripture quotes, too. Put the basket in a central part of your house. Each day designate a different member of the family to pull one out and read it aloud. Carry that note of appreciation with you that day. Put into practice the quote’s mission of appreciation.
NOTES: Write a brief “thank you” note once a week to someone for a kind word or deed they did. Try to leave if for them so they find it as a surprise. Or, leave surprise sticky notes of appreciation where they will find them.
AFFECTION: Welcome family members into the house with a warm “hello” and a hug. Give hugs before going to bed.
ONE-A-DAY: Commit to affirming one person each day with a note or a hug. Does it make you feel better, too?
APPRECIATION NON-VERBALS: Smiles. Sparkle in your eyes. A family hug. Pat on the back. Back rub.
RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS: Do someone’s chore for them as a surprise.
GOOD COMMUNICATION PATTERNS
Invite individual family members to think about each of these situations and then discuss them together at a family meeting: Choosing dinner-time and menus! Setting limits! Problem solving!
“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.” - C.S. Lewis
“It is love that makes faith, not faith love.” John Cardinal Newman
A SENSE OF SHARED RESPONSIBILITY
Loving God, Bless our family. Help us to work together well, sharing those tasks that sustain us, and provide for our daily needs. May we always be aware that you are right beside us as we cook food, make beds, and clean up after pets. Just as you share life and love with us, we attempt to do the same with each other. Bless our efforts, Lord. They are hardly ever perfect, but they are always sincere. Amen.
“Mutuality is really about sharing power and exercising responsibility for a purpose larger than ourselves. How household duties are distributed should follow from understanding what it takes to build a life together.” Follow the Way of Love, USCCB
DIVIDING UP CHORES: Write weekly jobs on slips of paper and on Saturday morning each family member draws three slips from the jar. It is expected that three tasks will be completed by a certain time of the day unless otherwise negotiated.
ASSIGNS A NEW PRIVILEGE OR RESPONSIBILITY on a child’s birthday.
ASSIGNS EACH MEMBER CERTAIN NIGHTS FOR KITCHEN CHORES. Many hands can make light labor. Rotate tasks often!
SHARES FAITH TOGETHER
How many ways does your family pray? There are many different types of prayer forms. Some of these you are probably familiar with, others may sound strange and foreign. Make a list of the ones you already to in your home and talk about how you might get more out of that particular prayer. Make a list of the ones you would like to try.
Healthy families set their own priorities. Most recognize the need to make family concerns and relationships number one on their calendars. In addition, many choose to extend their love and concern to their neighbor. This can be done in many ways.
SPENDS TIME TOGETHER
Cook a meal together. Savor the chores of setting the table, preparing the salad, stirring the soup. Spread the tablecloth and get out the good dishes. “It is in the ordinary activities that God is found.”
Watch TV or a movie. Talk about favorite characters, favorite scenes. What did the movie tell you about life, the universe and everything?
Log hours. For one week invite everyone in the family to log the hours they: watch TV, surf the web, play, practice team sports, are a work or school, volunteer, pray. Set your own categories. At a family meeting compare charts. Find areas that need improvement for the sake of the family.
Take a walk. Choose a common path but take turns sharing your observations.
Take a virtual trip. Invite each person in your family to visit your favorite website on the internet. Tell them why you like it.
O God, Creator of the universe, and of this family, help us to respect one another by letting each of us grow in our own unique way. May we recognize you, O Lord, as the center of our family and may we honor you in all that we do- as family and as individuals. Give us the grace to keep our hands off each other’s belongings. Give us the compassion for one another and a willingness to let go of hurts and regrets. Keep us close to you in knowledge, wisdom, and love. Amen
FINDS A GOOD BALANCE of TIME ALONE and TIME TOGETHER
SHARES FUN
Dear Lord, You fashioned us to be in your image, but so often we fall short of your perfection. Help us to see our humanness as your gift. Open us to view our humanity in your loving and accepting eyes. Bless our cheerfulness, our laughter, and our joy as we journey through our life. Amen.
HAS ACTIVE RITUALS & MEANINFUL TRADITIONS
Rituals are repeated actions and behaviors that are intentional, relational and planned for the common good.
Rituals:
God of love, our days are busy, filled with work, school and activities. Our everyday rituals keep us connected, weaving us together in love, letting us know we belong to each other and to you. Lord, God, we thank you for our family, for the blessing of each day: the hugs, the smiles, the funny things we do. Be with us always as we live out our mission of love. Amen.
HAS RITUALS for SPECIAL CELEBRATIONS
Birthdays, anniversaries, First Communion, Confirmation, First Reconciliation, getting a driver’s license, acceptance into college, a new job, Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, Mardi Gras, Easter, graduation, 4th of July, getting braces off, Mothers/Fathers Day, making the team, Baptism, marriage, trips to the cemetery, death, a new car, passing to the next grade.
God bless you and be with you as you find the “sacred in the ordinary” of everyday family living and family life!