FAMILY - THE DOMESTIC CHURCH - THE CHURCH OF THE HOME

 God, Creator of us all,
we come to you as individuals and as a family.
Be with us as we wait, fear, grieve, and rejoice.
Show us your love especially during these times.
Strengthen our love for one another.

Let our love for each other point the way to your infinite, unconditional love and forgiveness.

The HEALTHY FAMILY….

AFFIRMS and SUPPORTS ONE ANOTHER
SHOWS APPRECIATION (for each other) CLEARLY and REGULARLY
SHARES AFFECTION
HAS GOOD COMMUNICATION PATTERNS
IS COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER in GOOD TIMES and in TOUGH TIMES
HAS A SENSE of SHARED RESPONSIBILITY
SHARES FAITH TOGETHER
VALUES SERVICE to OTHERS
SPENDS TIME TOGETHER
FINDS A GOOD BALANCE of TIME TOGETHER and TIME ALONE
SHARES FUN
HAS ACTIVE RITUALS & MEANINGFUL TRADITIONS
HAS RITUALS for SPECIAL CELEBRATIONS*

(Adapted and used with permission, Diocesan Family Life Ministers of the State of Wisconsin.)

WE AFFIRM and SUPPORT EACH OTHER in at least four different ways:  Words, Affection, Gifts, Stand By Me.

Let each family member make a chart and these questions about how they would like to receive affirmation and support in each one of the categories listed.  Then, guess how the other members of your family would like affirmation and support in each category. Exchange answers and see if people guessed each other’s needs regarding support and affirmation.

Words:  What words do you most like to hear that tell you that you are loved and supported by your family?
Affection:  What sorts of hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection do you like that show you are loved and supported by your family?
Gifts:  What kinds of gifts show you that you are loved and supported by your family?
Stand by me:  When do you most need someone in your family to be there for you; listen to you?

SHOWS APPRECIATION (for each other) CLEARLY and REGULARLY.

AN APPRECIATION BASKET:  Fill a basket full of notes of appreciation.  These might include scripture quotes, too.  Put the basket in a central part of your house.  Each day designate a different member of the family to pull one out and read it aloud.  Carry that note of appreciation with you that day. Put into practice the quote’s mission of appreciation.

NOTES:  Write a brief “thank you” note once a week to someone for a kind word or deed they did.  Try to leave if for them so they find it as a surprise.  Or, leave surprise sticky notes of appreciation where they will find them.

AFFECTION:  Welcome family members into the house with a warm “hello” and a hug.  Give hugs before going to bed.

ONE-A-DAY:  Commit to affirming one person each day with a note or a hug.  Does it make you feel better, too?

APPRECIATION NON-VERBALS:  Smiles.  Sparkle in your eyes.  A family hug.  Pat on the back. Back rub.

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS:  Do someone’s chore for them as a surprise.

SHARES AFFECTION

• Give hugs when meeting, leaving and at numerous spontaneous moments.
• Be in touch with one another through visits, phone calls, by letter and/or email.
• Share stories with children about how they were wanted and awaited before birth and how they are still wanted.
• Share feelings and reactions to movies, music and television shows about love, life, relationships and families.
• Share meals, activities, celebrations and special events.
• Support and affirm one another in achievements and in challenges.
• Expect to find people who talk together, aren’t afraid to cry, as well as ones who laugh together.
• Show affection by playing, growing and praying together.
• Share feelings of affection in words, gestures and occasionally with gifts.

GOOD COMMUNICATION PATTERNS

Invite individual family members to think about each of these situations and then discuss them together at a family meeting:  Choosing dinner-time and menus!  Setting limits!  Problem solving!

• Are your viewpoints the same or different?
• Does the same person always take charge?
• What would you want to change?
• What would be ideal?

COMMITTED to EACH OTHER in GOOD TIMES and in TOUGH TIMES

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.” - C.S. Lewis

• Tell stories about your family.  Talk about the good times you have had together.  Remember, too, the tough times.  What helped you most?
• Collect words and phrases from your retelling of the good and difficult times. 
• How would you describe what has kept your family together in good times and in tough times?
• Considering what you said in the previous questions, what family motto would sum up all those feelings and hopes?
• Thank God in prayer for your family life.

“It is love that makes faith, not faith love.”  John Cardinal Newman

A SENSE OF SHARED RESPONSIBILITY

Loving God, Bless our family. Help us to work together well, sharing those tasks that sustain us, and provide for our daily needs. May we always be aware that you are right beside us as we cook food, make beds, and clean up after pets. Just as you share life and love with us, we attempt to do the same with each other.  Bless our efforts, Lord.  They are hardly ever perfect, but they are always sincere.  Amen.

“Mutuality is really about sharing power and exercising responsibility for a purpose larger than ourselves.  How household duties are distributed should follow from understanding what it takes to build a life together.”  Follow the Way of Love, USCCB

DIVIDING UP CHORES:  Write weekly jobs on slips of paper and on Saturday morning each family member draws three slips from the jar.  It is expected that three tasks will be completed by a certain time of the day unless otherwise negotiated.

ASSIGNS A NEW PRIVILEGE OR RESPONSIBILITY on a child’s birthday.

ASSIGNS EACH MEMBER CERTAIN NIGHTS FOR KITCHEN CHORES.  Many hands can make light labor.  Rotate tasks often!

SHARES FAITH TOGETHER

How many ways does your family pray?  There are many different types of prayer forms.  Some of these you are probably familiar with, others may sound strange and foreign.  Make a list of the ones you already to in your home and talk about how you might get more out of that particular prayer.  Make a list of the ones you would like to try.

• Acts of service
• The rosary
• Saying a blessing before and after meals
• Singing
• Litanies
• Reading Scripture
• Bedtime prayers
• Going to Sunday Mass
• Going to daily Mass
• The Our Father
• Praise
• Thanksgiving
• Meditation
• Daily devotions
• Prayers of petition
• Spontaneous prayers
• Spiritual reading

VALUES SERVICE to OTHERS

Healthy families set their own priorities.  Most recognize the need to make family concerns and relationships number one on their calendars.  In addition, many choose to extend their love and concern to their neighbor.  This can be done in many ways.

• Parents model caring and compassion for others.
• Family mealtime always has room for one more.
• Children are comfortable playing in your house and yard.
• The stranger is seen as a friend in need.
• Family prayer includes the names of people who are suffering and marginalized.
• Neighbors are like family members.
• People are more important than things.
• Your family volunteers time together in service to others.

SPENDS TIME TOGETHER

Cook a meal together.  Savor the chores of setting the table, preparing the salad, stirring the soup.  Spread the tablecloth and get out the good dishes.  “It is in the ordinary activities that God is found.”

Watch TV or a movie.  Talk about favorite characters, favorite scenes.  What did the movie tell you about life, the universe and everything?

Log hours.  For one week invite everyone in the family to log the hours they: watch TV, surf the web, play, practice team sports, are a work or school, volunteer, pray.  Set your own categories.  At a family meeting compare charts.  Find areas that need improvement for the sake of the family.

Take a walk.  Choose a common path but take turns sharing your observations.

Take a virtual trip.  Invite each person in your family to visit your favorite website on the internet.  Tell them why you like it.

O God, Creator of the universe, and of this family, help us to respect one another by letting each of us grow in our own unique way.  May we recognize you, O Lord, as the center of our family and may we honor you in all that we do- as family and as individuals.  Give us the grace to keep our hands off each other’s belongings.  Give us the compassion for one another and a willingness to let go of hurts and regrets.  Keep us close to you in knowledge, wisdom, and love.  Amen

FINDS A GOOD BALANCE of TIME ALONE and TIME TOGETHER

• Take time to pray before getting out of bed in the morning and before sleep at night.
• Identify a few minutes each day when everyone has some “personal down time.”
• Keep television and technology games out of children’s bedrooms.
• Honor each other’s space as sacred.
• What cues do I get that members of my family need time to themselves?
• When is the family expected to be together?
• How do I tell people that I need time alone?
• What brings us together the quickest?

SHARES FUN

• Make a family joke book!
• Have an evening of telling funny stories.
• Play games together.
• Share family idiosyncrasies that won’t be hurtful.
• What is funny about your family’s daily habits?
• Any memories of awkward moments that made you laugh?
• All star embarrassing moments that made you laugh at yourself!

Dear Lord, You fashioned us to be in your image, but so often we fall short of your perfection.  Help us to see our humanness as your gift.  Open us to view our humanity in your loving and accepting eyes.  Bless our cheerfulness, our laughter, and our joy as we journey through our life. Amen.

HAS ACTIVE RITUALS & MEANINFUL TRADITIONS

Rituals are repeated actions and behaviors that are intentional, relational and planned for the common good. 

Rituals:

• Connect your family.
• Provide a sense of belonging.
• Let you know your home.
• Make it easier for you to express love and affection.
• Reveal God in your midst.

• How do you send off family members in the morning?  Do you use a special word or phrase?
• Do you have a prayer ritual before meals?
• Is there a certain way to set your table for meals?
• Do you tuck each other in before bed? 
• Do you have a story time?

God of love, our days are busy, filled with work, school and activities.  Our everyday rituals keep us connected, weaving us together in love, letting us know we belong to each other and to you.  Lord, God, we thank you for our family, for the blessing of each day:  the hugs, the smiles, the funny things we do.  Be with us always as we live out our mission of love.  Amen.

HAS RITUALS for SPECIAL CELEBRATIONS

Birthdays, anniversaries, First Communion, Confirmation, First Reconciliation, getting a driver’s license, acceptance into college, a new job, Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, Mardi Gras, Easter, graduation, 4th of July, getting braces off, Mothers/Fathers Day, making the team, Baptism, marriage, trips to the cemetery, death, a new car, passing to the next grade.

• What is your favorite family ritual?
• What traditions have been passed down to you from earlier generations?
• Are there Special Days you would like to celebrate (in your family) that you do not?
• What ritual would you like to begin in your family?

God bless you and be with you as you find the “sacred in the ordinary” of everyday family living and family life!